Joke of the day

one guy suddenly got up in a plane and said ------------------------------------------- "hijack" * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * everybody in the plane put there hands up. ------------------------------------------ then suddenly ------------- * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * another guy from another side got up and said --------------------------------------------- "hi...john"

Joke of the day

A man walks into a barber shop and asks; "how much for a hair cut?" The barber said $12.50. The man asks; "and how much for a shave?" The barber said $1.50. The man then says SHAVE IT ALL.

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Lawak : Miss Behavior title?

Any guesses on who can be the most suitable for 'Miss Behavior' title? . . . . . scroll down to see some of them! . . . . Will it be Ashley-Shaw? No! . . . . Amanda-Stelluto? Naaah! . . . . Natacha-Bachour? No! . . . . The most perfect one is beyond our imagination scroll down to see . . . . . . .

Joke: Cow,ant & donkey :)

Cow, ant & a Donkey are debating on who is the greatest among three of



So here it goes..................



Cow : I give 50 liters of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest.



Ant : I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times
my own weight and that's why I am the Greatest.



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Hello - Why are you scrolling down ???



It's your turn now--- please speak up.........!!!! :)



with lots of luv ..........hahahahhahahahahhaahahha

Sengal Gusi: Smart Old Woman

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding.... ...... Older Woman: "Is there a problem, Officer?" Officer: "Ma'am, you were speeding." Older Woman: "Oh, I see." Officer: "Can I see your license please?" Older Woman: "I'd give it to you but I don't have one." Officer: "Don't have one? " Older Woman: "Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. " Officer: "I see.......Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. " Older Woman: "I can't do that. " Officer: "Why not? " Older Woman: "I stole this car. " Officer: "Stole it? " Older Woman: "Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner." Officer: "You what? " Older Woman: "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see." The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: "Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!" The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: "Is there a problem sir?" Officer 2: "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner." Older Woman: "Murdered the owner? " Officer 2: "Yes, would you open the trunk of your car, please." The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: "Is this your car, ma'am?" Older Woman: "Yes, of course, here are the registration papers." The officer is quite stunned. Officer 2: "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license." The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a driver's license and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: "Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner." Older Woman: "Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too."

Lawak hangat: Stop showing off

Lawak Hangat: Joke

<::>A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
Teacher: What are you waiting for?
Student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!

<::>Santa – A photographer on a funeral function
Santa is busy taking snaps, suddenly people start beating him. Why?
Each time he took a picture he said "SMILE PLEASE ".

<::>SuN: Dear Moon!!!!!! Why dont you come and meet me in daytime??

MooN: Srry...Sir.....I've dark circles and sunscreen lotion is not available here!!!!

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Q: What do you call an intelligent blonde?

A: A Golden Retriever.

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<::>The Sardarji doctor was so afraid of bacteria, that he cooked his ice-cubes before he put them in his drink.

<::>If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?

<::>When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.

<::>Don't take life too seriously, You're not getting out alive.

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Lawak Hangat: The Trainers special Horse

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine."

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me--it's this bloody horse. What is he--deaf or something?"

The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!"

Sengal Gusi: Lawak Bodoh Ntah Sapa Yang Buat Ntah..

Ada juga dakwah sikit...Jangan tak layan..

1. Kondominium tidak ada kena mengena dengan kondom.
Tetapi di kondominium kita boleh dapat banyak kondom
terpakai.

2. Aurat dan urat adalah dua benda yang berbeza. Namun
begitu, apabila melihat perempuan yang mendedahkan
aurat, urat lelaki akan krem di sesetengah kawasan.

3. Kuih tat enak di makan. Tapi apabila kita makan
lapan keping kuih tat, kita mungikin dituduh mencarut.
Kalau tak percaya, cuba kira satu tat, dua tat, tiga
tat, sampai lapan.

4. Laksamana adalah jawatan besar di dalam kesultanan
Melayu Melaka. "Laksa kedah" pula adalah contoh
jawapan kalau orang tanya kita "laksa mana ni?"

5. Barbeque adalah makanan yang enak. Namun begitu
'babi queue' haram dimakan oleh orang Islam.

6. Sesetangah orang memanggil cili sebagai cabai. Tapi
kalau mulut nak kena cabai, cuba la cakap 'cibai' kat
depan orang tua-tua.

7. Membuat tahu sumbat sungguh meletihkan. Lebih letih
lagi kalau orang lain hanya tahu nak sumbat je tahu
sumbat dalam mulut.

8. Si Bosia dan Bojan dipandang hina oleh masyarakat.
Namun begitu si Boroi yang makan duit rakyat mendapat
sanjungan.

9. Bermain bola keranjang memang meletihkan. Bermain
di ranjang juga boleh meletihkan.

10. Allahyarham P. Ramlee tak pernah dapat Lesen P
sebab baru diperkenalkan. Penyanyi pop yeh yeh L. Ramli
mungkin pernah dapat lesen L. Tapi Allahyarham
A. Ramlie tak pernah dapat lesen A sebab tak ada.

11. Ramai orang lelaki takut kalau-kalau mati pucuk.
Tapi tak takut kalau-kalau mati esok. (Mesej berunsur
dakwah. Sila duduk tahiyyat akhir)

Lawak Hangat: Joke

* A policeman was interviewing 3 candidates who were getting trained to
become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows
the first candidate a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.


"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first candidate answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he
only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the
picture I showed is his side profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous
response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second candidate and
asks him "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second candidate smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matterwith you two?

Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his
side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third candidate
and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him? He quickly adds, Think hard before giving me a stupid
answer."

The candidate looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The
suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know
himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I
check this file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his
computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't
believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good
work! How were you able to make such an acute observation?"


"That's easy," the candidates replied. "He can't wear regular glasses
because he only has one eye and one ear .

Lawak Hangat: Soal Jawab Guru dan Sin Chan...

Guru : Kenapa awak lambat?
Sin Chan: Kerana sebuah papan tanda.
Guru: Papan tanda mana ?
Sin Chan: Yang ada tulisan, "Sekolah di hadapan, jalan perlahan."

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-

Guru: Sin Chan, Macam mana awak eja perkataan "BUAYA"?
Sin Chan: "B-O-O-W-A-Y- A"
Guru: Bukan, Salah tu.

Sin Chan: Mungkin itu salah , tapi Cikgu tanya
saya macam mana saya mengejanya, itulah yang saya eja !

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*
Guru: Apakah formula untuk air?
Sin Chan: "HIJKLMNO"!!
Guru: Apa yang awak cakap tu?
Sin Chan: Kan kelmarin Cikgu kata H to O!

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*

Guru: Sin Chan, Pergi ke Peta Dunia tu, cari dan tunjuk mana Amerika
Utara.
Sin Chan: Di sini Cikgu, Sin Chan menunjukkan tepat kat Peta dunia yang
tergantung kat hadapan kelas!
Guru: Betul. Sekarang kelas, beritahu saya siapa yang jumpa Amerika
Utara?
Kelas: Sin Chan Cikgu!

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-

Guru: Sin Chan, beritahu satu perkara penting yang kita tak ada 10
tahun dulu.
Sin Chan: Saya Cikgu!

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Guru: Bagaimana kita boleh mengelak penyakit yang di sebabkan oleh
gigitan serangga?
Sin Chan: Jangan kena gigit serangga!

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -**-*-*-* -*

Guru: "Boleh tak sesiapa beritahu saya perkara yang kamu tahu berlaku
secara kebetulan?"
Sin Chan: "Cikgu, Ibu dan Bapa saya berkahwin pada hari yang sama,
pada masa yang sama dan juga pada waktu yang sama."

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*

Guru: Sin Chan, aneh sungguh stokin yang awak pakai ni, satu warna
hijau berbintik hitam dan satu lagi berwarna merah berbintik biru!
Sin Chan: Ya betul Cikgu, memang nampak aneh. Saya pun hairan kerana
terdapat sepasang lagi dengan warna yang sama di rumah!

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*

Guru: Sekarang, Sin Chan, Sebetulnya beritahu saya dengan jujur adakah
awak berdoa sebelum makan?
Sin Chan: Tidak Cikgu , Saya tak perlu buat begitu , kerana saya tahu
ibu saya adalah seorang tukang masak yang bagus.

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*

Guru: Sin Chan, Karangan awak "Anjing saya" adalah sama seperti yang di
karang oleh Adik awak. Adakah awak meniru kerja dia?
Sin Chan: Tidak Cikgu , ia hanya lah anjing yang sama!

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *

Guru: Siapakah orang yang kita panggil yang tak henti henti bercakap
tetapi orang tak berminat nak dengar?
Sin Chan: Seorang Guru, Cikgu!