Good Laugh

Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to
the other one. "Hey , I tell you my driver is really stupid. If you
don't believe me I'll show you.

He called his driver Ah Beng over and said, "Ah Beng, here is a $10
note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes".

To which Ah Beng replied, "Yes, Sir! Right away, Sir!" and rushed off to
the Showroom.

The rich man then turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he
was stupid."

The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I
will show you stupid."

And he called his driver, Ali.

"Ali, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." To which Ali said,
"Yes Sir! Right away, Sir!" and ran home.

"See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that
I cannot be at home if I am here."

Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to Ali, "Eh,
you know my boss is sooooooo stupid. He gave me $10 and asked me to go
to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes..... Doesn't he know that
today is Sunday lah, the showroom is closed!"

Ali replied, "You think your boss is stupid? My boss lagi worse, he asked
me

to go home to check if he is at home... He got handphone what, he can
just call up to check lah, bodoh!!

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CAR
Beng and Seng were so excited that they locked the car in a hurry,
forgetting to remove the key which was in the ignition. Realizing the mistake, Beng
asked, 'Why don't we get a coat hanger to open it.'

No, that won't work' answered Seng. 'People will think we're trying to
break in.'

Then Beng suggested, 'What if we use a pocket knife to cut around the
rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock?'

No,' said Seng. 'People will think we're too dumb not to use a coat
hanger.'

The kan cheong Beng shouted, 'we'd better think of something fast.
It's starting to rain and the sunroof is open!

******************************************************
PIZZA
Ah Beng ordered a pizza and the waitress asked if she should cut it in
six or twelve pieces.

Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.

******************************************************
DEAD BIRD
"Oh, look at the dead bird."

Ah Beng looked skyward and said "Where, Where got?"

******************************************************
NOT MY BROTHER!
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.

Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer
pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are
fine.

Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother, he's an idiot!"

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor says.

The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name!

Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the
doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, DeNephew.

***************************************************
ITALIAN
To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chic Italian
restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and
ordered.

"We'll have the Giuseppe Spondalucci," he said.

"Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner."